The adventures of an expatriate woman

A testimony from an “expat wife”. On the importance of decoding Brazilian culture and communicating effectively...

If we went to live in Brazil, my darling!

I'm Lili Plume, an expatriate woman, "expat's wife" as they say. One of these courageous women who left their country, their job, their family, their friends to follow their partner on a mission to the other side of the planet! A teacher in the Lyon region for fifteen years, I have lived in Brazil with my son and my husband for almost two years now. Our first months of adaptation were so epic that I reported regularly on Facebook to all my family, to keep them informed and, above all, to amuse them. One fine day, I decided to keep track of all that and write the complete story of my adventures: colorful Brazilian stories, joys, sorrows, revelations, meetings, wonderful trips, the cup of the world... Today, my book is finished and I present the first pages on my blog to submit it for the opinion of the first readers!

The day everything changed !

It’s a day I won’t forget! My previously peaceful life suddenly turned into a real epic! It's April 2013. A beautiful spring day, mild and sunny, just the way I like it. Around noon my phone rings as I get ready to join my colleagues for lunch in the dining hall. It's Maxime, my partner, who offers me a little romantic meal in a hostel not far from my school! What a good idea ! When I arrive, he is on the terrace and waves to me with a big smile! A frothy beer is already waiting for me. And as I prepare to take my first saving sip in total happiness, he suddenly says to me:

“ What if we went to live in Brazil…my darling!”

I returned to school a little groggy because in the heat of emotion I drank my beer in one gulp. I announce to colleagues that Maxime has an expatriation offer for two years in Brazil, as soon as possible. Everyone around me is enthusiastic but personally, with this resounding announcement, I believe I have lost a few years of life expectancy! Expatriate woman?

And family balance?

An expatriation is a dream momentin one's life to be with family. We create our own little cocoon by sticking together during this delicate period of adaptation to a new environment! And then, very quickly, it was the discovery of Brazil all together. We travel to dream destinations (Rio de Janeiro, Paraty, etc.)...

But an expatriation is also an imbalancethat arises between the ultra-hardworking husband (more than in France, with extended hours in the evenings or even weekends) and the rest of the family. Indeed, while he discovers his new responsibilities, a different way of working and assimilates a new language, we, the expatriate women, we build ties, we integrate the family into a social network, we manage daily life and we takes care of the children a lot...

We must therefore ensure that this imbalance does not become too accentuated and that the spouse continues to take an active part in family life: by dropping the children off at school in the morning, for example, and by picking them up in the evening from their activities. Likewise, the expat's wife must quickly find a fulfilling life project, other than managing daily problems, so as not to fall into depression, wondering what she is doing there!

How did I fit in?

When I arrived in the country, I chose to integrate in the most dynamic way possible, so as to be confronted with solitude and inaction for as short a time as possible! Two things I hate above all else! I very quickly gave a French course to a Brazilian student, met French people, Belgians and English speakers thanks to groups on Facebook… Through my son's Canadian school, I made also getting to know mothers of all nationalities, especially South Americans and joining a WhatsApp group of Brazilian mothers.

As soon as I arrived, I started my Portuguese lessons to be able to make myself understood in the local shops, and to make acquaintances with Brazilian women. But I must admit that it was English that allowed me from the start to make a lot of friends... I therefore organized international cafés, inviting everyone I knew each time... A Muay course Thai also allowed me to make some good Brazilian friends…

In short, my advice would be the following: stay in the action, meet as many people as possible, even French, all meetings are important, because Brazilian friends, (at least in São Jose dos Campos, I cannot speak for big cities like Sao Paulo or Rio) come, in my opinion, in a second step. It's normal. It's always easier to get in touch with strangers in the same situation as you! Brazilians, as adorable and kind as they are, have their families, their lives! So it takes a little more time to enter their world…

And compared to the curve*?

For me, life as an expat is like a roller coaster! We go from moments of pure happiness to moments of deep despair at crazy speed! The facilitator of the intercultural training, received before leaving, did not lie to us! Training, by the way, extremely useful and which helped a lot with our integration into the country! This curve that he presented to us then turned out to be, within a few weeks, our reality! After a start full of enthusiasm to discover the riches of this fantastic country, a more painful period followed. The aftereffect of settling in and adapting to sport, enormous physical and psychological fatigue mixed with a strong desire to return home!

I remember, for example, great moments of exhaustion linked to the simultaneous use of three languages ​​in the same day. Of evenings where I preferred to stay at home, locked in, rather than having to say one more word in a foreign language. Situations of complete linguistic blockage in stores where I resorted to mime and sound effects to make myself understood, under the half-bewildered, half-amused gaze of the salespeople present. And then the culture shock was also exhausting when we arrived in Brazil, this country where people are always positiveand where nothing is ever very serious. Like looking for your car all over town for three days because you don't know where the tow truck left it! Or to have all your household appliances stolen on the São Paulo highway before they have even been delivered. And faced with these situations that would have driven any non-Brazilian crazy, the phrase we heard the most: " Fica tranquila! Deixa comigo!" (Don't worry, we'll take care of it)

A sentence which, however, in Brazil, as our trainer once again so rightly said to us, is the clear signal thatnothing is going to be resolved simply!

And then after this cursed period of adaptation, everything fortunately calmed down and a more peaceful life set in. No more effort for everything, to speak, to orient yourself, to discover things. We have gotten used to our life, we now have our bearings. Real Brazilian life then really began for us…

But even though it's not easy at times, it's definitely worth it. We must make the most of this privileged break that is expatriation, before returning to the country and normal life. It’s such a rich experience! We meet people, we discover a different culture, a new language, incredible landscapes (especially here in Brazil), we rediscover OURSELVES... we question ourselves, we remobilize ourselves, we evolve... An ultimately vital experience!

What about human relationships?

It is essentially at the level of human relationships that a big difference with French culture appears. In France, we like to keep a certain distance from others, in transport we avoid making eye contact, we don't talk to each other if we don't know each other! It's a way of protecting yourself, and that's what makes the French arrogant and cold in the eyes of the Brazilian.

In Brazil, as I explain through my book, human relationships are excessively warm. Both in daily life and in the world of work. Moreover, my husband, when he comes home from work, does not hesitate to share these anecdotes, sources of tension with Brazilians... like these smiles. For example, he told me that during meetings, and even if we are in the middle of a crisis, employees spend a certain amount of time giving each other abraços (warm hugs), getting news from the family and to discuss their personal projects. The manager, French or not, will have to, in the same way, take the time to listen to all the members of his team but also agree to share his personal projects because the Brazilians are curious and will not hesitate to ask him questions . This will also be a sign that the relationship is good, that the employees feel confident.

In short, human relations take precedence in Brazil! And what may seem very surprising and unusual for a foreigner recently arrived in the country, ultimately turns out to be very pleasant: a smiling, welcoming and sensitive society where a neighbor is never ignored...

My next step

After rereading and fine-tuning my book down to the smallest details: send the manuscript to a publisher and then offer it to all my already numerous and enthusiastic readers! Se deus Quizer!

*reference to McCormick’s expatriation curve